I was late to a critical meeting. I had to drop off the girls to school at 8 and be at my meeting by 830. I had to hustle to the bus stop (ugh), hop on the crosstown bus (double ugh) and then get on the subway.
Traffic was tedious, of course. Murphy’s Law. So I was cutting it close. I got off the bus one stop early and jogged to the subway. I bounded down the stairs. My train would be there in 1 minute. Then I saw it.
A crowd had formed around a woman on the platform, which is never a good sign on an NYC subway. I walked over. She had fallen near a bench and was trying to get back on her feet. Two men were helping her. They both had young kids with them. It was clear they were dropping their kids at school before heading to work.
I reached out to help her up. I thought about telling the dads I could take over. They could take their kids to school while I helped her to the elevator. In most situations, I would have done that. But then I looked at my watch. The train was about to arrive. And I really needed to be at this meeting on time.
I decided not to say anything. They had it covered. She had the help she needed. I turned my back to the crowd and waited for the train doors to open. I walked on. By the time the train started moving, the woman was up and holding a railing. She would be okay.
This happened two weeks ago. It’s been bothering me ever since. But why? The woman had the help she needed. My being there wouldn’t have made a substantial difference to her health. The dads were fine helping. They’d probably be 20 minutes late for school and work. It was probably a little harder to manage the kids, but everything seemed under control.
I wonder now what I wondered then. What was the right decision in that moment? Was I being selfish in that moment, thinking about my needs over hers? I don’t think so. Truly, honestly, rationally, I think she had what she needed. And if she didn’t, I would responded differently than I did.
But even now, a couple of weeks later, I’m still bothered by it. How do I know that I would have been willing to do the right thing if the conditions were slightly different? I hope I would, but we never know until we’re in that moment.
Here’s the thing that I’m really left wondering about. Is my residual discomfort about my own ego? Maybe I feel bad about not helping because this is how we talk about service: that if we truly care, we will be moved to action. I did truly care, yet I didn’t take any action.
Maybe what’s uncomfortable about this is realizing that, sometimes, there isn’t much for us to do at all; that the right thing to do is step away and continue living our own lives; that there’s humility in serving others, and that, sometimes, there can also be humility in not serving others.
This column is a RELIEF! Several years ago I was driving on our 3 lane (on each side) 410 Loop and right in front of me I saw a car hit another car which then swerved over to the side right by the exit. It almost looked like a video game in my peripheral vision. I was going at least 70 MPH AND I TOO (like Simran's story) was going to arrive "just in time" for my commitment to register 18 yr olds to vote in a nearby high school. I had to decide if I should go to the next exit, turn around and go back to the scene of the accident. In my rear view mirror I could see several cars pulled over to help, but that dilemma has remained with me and "haunted" me over the years. Should I too have turned around and gone back to help. I have a vague memory of getting off at my appropriate exit and calling 911 to report it, but that may be my wishful memory. DID I ACTUALLY at least do that? Who knows? However, I so appreciate your conclusion, Simran! THANK YOU! Lynn
I feel so grateful to have discovered your writing - I alway find something that reflects on what has been in my own thoughts at one time or another.