Unexpected Connections

I’m in Utah, filming for our new show, Undivided. We had some downtime, and my director Jack and I were heading to a coffee shop. Jack missed the turn into the parking lot, so he took the next one. I looked up from my phone and saw a huge Nishan Sahib.

What were the chances that, in the middle of Salt Lake City, we’d pull into the parking lot of a gurdwara. I’ve been friends with Jack for years, and he knew me well enough to know how much I loved this moment. He grabbed a photo of me being cheesy, and we noticed a small sign saying it was open. Of course, we had to go in.

We took off our shoes, washed our hands, and I went to go matha tek. A Sikh man about my age came down, and we chatted briefly in Punjabi, first about the gurdwara and the size of the community, and then about his life journey. Before we headed out, the man offered us parshad and then asked if he could make us cha or some breakfast.

None of this surprised me. I’m so used to Punjabi and Desi hospitality. And at the same time, I was so touched by his offers. They were cultural obligations. He had to offer. But I could tell he was sincere, and that he wouldn’t have minded a bit if I had taken him up on them. It’s a small example of chardi kala, being content to go with the flow, no matter where it takes you.

There was something else that felt special in this brief interaction, one that I felt more aware of because my friend Jack was with me. I felt a kinship with this Sikh man who I hadn’t met before. Our identity as Sikhs bound us together.

I had reflected on this the week prior, at my nephew’s dastar bandi in New Jersey. In that ceremony, that marked his decision to wear a full turban on a regular basis, I kept thinking about how one of the most special experiences of wearing a turban doesn’t make it into the textbook descriptions of Sikhi.

For me, part of what I love about my unique Sikh identity and why I choose to keep it is how it connects me to people I care about and admire. I mean this historically, in terms of the Sikh gurus and leaders over the years who we remember daily in our ardas. Panjaa Piaariaan, Chahau Sahibzaadiyaan, Chaalea Mukteean…

I also mean this personally. I was talking to my dad recently, and he was reflecting on how, when his family was in refugee camps after Partition, they did the most menial work to survive, including selling balloons on the street. They had next to nothing. But they still had their turbans.

I also thought about my father-in-law, who was attacked and beaten unconscious by an anti-Sikh mob in 1984. He could have said he wasn’t a Sikh. He could have taken off his turban. But he didn’t.

I thought about how my turban connects me with my family, how it’s a commitment that we share and also an experience. How, as my brother once pointed out, if I stopped wearing a turban, my family would accept me, but it still wouldn’t be the same.

Today, as I’m sitting here in this coffee shop in Salt Lake City, next door to the gurdwara, I’m thinking about how this identity connects me with people in my community all over the world, most of whom I haven’t yet met and whom I will likely never meet. And yet, that doesn’t so much matter, because just that feeling of human connection is something we all long for so deeply, especially at a time when we feel so disconnected from one another.

This is one version of it, that helps me feel connected to one set of people in our world. I wonder how we might take this idea and scale it, so that we can achieve the goal that feels so implausible, but also so necessary: What can we do each day to foster deeper connections—not just with the people who look like us or speak the same language that we do—but with all the people who share this earth with us?

I experienced that in meeting with support groups within the LDS Church, including LGBTQ+ and Black Latter Day Saints. I’ve been hearing their stories, understanding what life is like for people who, on the surface, appear to be entirely different from me. I’ve loved growing through that experience and hope to bring others on that journey with me. That’s why I can’t wait to share the show with you all when it’s ready.

In the meantime, here are some photos from our shoot. Enjoy!