What's so funny about serving others?

I’m used to being the funniest person in the room. That’s the one downside of hanging out with comedians.

The upside, I guess, is that I’m usually more versed in spiritual and religious teachings. Definitely not as cool or fun, but at least it’s something?

Chris Duffy threw me for a loop, though, because he’s one of those people who’s got both covered. All I could really do was enjoy listening to him and hearing his insights and try to sneak in a good joke here and there.

Chris is the host of the popular TED podcast called How to Be a Better Human, and from among the things we discussed, I really enjoyed his reflections on service. He says that being in service of others doesn’t always need to come in the form of grand gestures like the soup kitchens, the speeches, or the revolutions. Being solemn or pious isn't a prerequisite for giving back.

It can sometimes look like walking into a room and saying, “Today, I’m going to lift someone’s spirit. I’m going to make them laugh until they forget, even briefly, what hurts.”

Or holding the door open for someone lost in their own thoughts. Letting a stranger go first in line when they’re in a hurry and you’re not. Texting a friend just to say, “I was thinking about you.”

He also points out what a profoundly deep act of service that we typically don’t consider—simply staying quiet. Not because we have nothing to say, but because someone else needs the space more than we do.

A shelter we create with our presence so others can bring their full selves forward—without interruption, without judgment, without the rush to respond. It’s in the silence that someone can finally be. That someone can hear their own inner voice. That someone who’s rarely heard can feel, maybe for the first time, that their story matters.

Holding space is an act of service. It says: You are not alone. You don’t have to hurry. I am here, with you, in this.

And it takes strength— to resist the urge to fix, to advise, to fill the quiet with our own comfort.

Because silence, when held with intention, is not empty.

It’s spacious.

Click here to listen to my full conversation with Chris Duffy on Wisdom & Practice. And read below for an excerpt from our interview.

Simran Jeet Singh: One of my reflections this week has been around the uniqueness of meaning for each person. It's not necessarily true that what is meaningful for me is the same as what is meaningful for you. And so I’m interested to hear—as you’re saying, you’ve had this reflection on what’s meaningful and trying to make your life meaningful—what would you say that looks like for you, in your vision? What does it mean to make something meaningful?

Chris Duffy: Yeah, it’s such a big question, and it is one that I’ve thought a lot about. In some ways, I think it’s a totally unanswerable question, and in other ways, I think the answer is so simple.

And for me, the answer that is simple is: to be of service. To do things for other people. To make it not just about me.

And again, I don’t always have to tie things back to comedy, but I will say that one of the reasons why, when I first started doing improv comedy, it spoke so deeply to me—and why I loved it so much—is because one of the foundational rules of improv is: when you're on stage, make the other person look good. Don’t try to make you look good.

The way to have a great scene, the way to have the audience laugh, is if you are setting it up for the other person—if you're making them look good, if you're being of service to them on stage. And I just loved that. It felt like I was practicing good people skills: how do you listen closely to another person? How do you see where they might want to go? How do you give them a little hint—like, “I think if you go here, people are gonna love this; this is gonna make you look great”?

How do you set that stuff up and let someone else knock it down? So much of that is what I want to practice as a person. And it’s just fun.

I think that’s a big piece to me: How do you be of service?

Click here to listen to my full conversation with Chris Duffy on Wisdom & Practice.