My Snow Day Promise

I was talking to a friend on the phone today, and mid-conversation, she just went “Oh shit.”

I asked what happened and if everything was okay. She said yes, her kids’ school had just sent an email canceling classes due to the snow. We joked about it for a bit, but I could tell she was annoyed. She had plans, and now she’d have to shuffle them.

A few hours later, I got the same email from my school and had the same reaction. Oh, shit. My wife works in the operating rooms on Tuesdays, which means I need to cancel my meetings and put a hold on everything I had planned to accomplish.

I was irritated, and after a while I got to thinking. What was I actually annoyed about? Was I upset by what life was giving me? Not really. My kids are young and fun and they still like hanging out with me. It’s so great to spend time with them — and so much better than a regular workday.

What annoyed me was the inconvenience of changing my plans. I had set myself up to have a productive day and to knock items off my weekly to-do list. Now, I’d have to shuffle them, which takes work and energy, and wouldn’t you rather just spend your evening watching Netflix? I spent my night rejiggering my schedule and dealing with a few pressing emails. But now, with those behind me, tomorrow’s going to be so much fun.

Over the past couple of years, I’ve noticed a change in myself. I’ve become rigid in my scheduling and my timing. If I put something on my calendar, I’ll move heaven and earth to make it work. I think of that as a quirk but also a gift. I’m really respectful about other people’s time, though sometimes, too respectful.

On occasion, I take it to the extreme, killing myself to do stay on schedule for something that doesn’t even matter. I’m the guy who shows up to South Asian weddings on time — even though I know I’m going to be the first one there. (Once I got to a Sikh wedding so early that I ended up helping the caterers set up when they arrived…).

Here’s what I’ve come to realize: As respectful as I am of other people’s time, I don’t always know how to respect my own.

This is not a mindset that I’m proud of. It now takes conscious effort to take time for myself. For example, I’ve been struggling to get to the gym, not because I don’t want to, but because I feel overwhelmed by how much has to get done for work and for home. I put off exercise until the end of the day, and then I skip it, telling myself that I have to much else going on and I can’t afford the time.

Skipping the gym stands out to me because, for as long as I can remember, exercise has made me feel free and happy. But it’s just one example among many. There are so many ways in which I get so caught up in self-imposed pressures that I struggle to enjoy day-to-day life.

I’ve been trying to figure out how I got here, and this is the best explanation that I’ve come up with: I’ve told myself that the purpose of time is to be productive so that eventually, after I’ve paid my dues, I can enjoy it. The problem is that, when those small windows of opportunity come, I don’t know how to enjoy them.

Over December, my wife took the girls to her parents’ place for a week while I stayed back to get our home painted. I managed the painters during the day, but my evenings were totally free. I was a bachelor in New York City—no parents and no kids. This was what I’d been dreaming of since the day I became a parent.

What did I end up doing those evenings when I had zero responsibilities and the world was my oyster? Not a damn thing.

I had zero idea what to do with all my free time. At first I was frustrated that I wasn’t doing more, but then I realized that I had no reason to expect otherwise. I hadn’t been free like this in months—of course I had no idea where to begin.

This reflection led me to a resolution about shifting my thinking. Since that week in December, I’ve committed to making daily effort to find moments of joy. I know it sounds ridiculous, especially for a grown-ass man. I’m going to force myself to enjoy life.

But the truth is, this is a real challenge that I’m facing in this phase of my life, and it’s one that I want to overcome. I haven’t always been like this, and it doesn’t feel natural to me. And besides, who doesn’t want to be happier and more present and more joyful?

So my goal for tomorrow—and you can hold me accountable to this—is that I’m going to enjoy the snow day with my girls. I don’t know if we’ll go sledding or have hot chocolate or watch a movie or do some math (ew). But whatever it is that we do, I'll aim to enjoy it, reminding myself that despite what my Outlook calendar might say, there’s no where else I’d rather be.